Have your Cake and Drink it, too

Cake...takes over an hour to bake and less than one minute to devour. Seems like a giant waste of time, doesn't it? Well, lucky for us the Willy Wonka of the liquor world tapped into our inner child and created cake flavored vodka. That's right, he finally gave up on perfecting the Fizzy Lifting Drink and realized that the world needed a cake that is 70 proof and sold in a glass bottle. Like most good ideas, this was also stolen by others. There are numerous brands that create this flavor I, however, will only be taste-testing UV and Pinnacle (for now).

UV:

If a scent could give a cavity, I would be making an emergency visit to my dentist first thing in the morning.  The instant your nose hits its aroma, the scent of sugar and vanilla overpowers you and the sense of taste takes over. With this experience, the only thing left to do is take a sip (not that this action was ever questionable). The moment you put the glass to your lips and take the first sip you are flooded with memories of devouring countless slices of cake. Luckily, this cake doesn't involve the awkward moment when you realize that someone one just got spit all over it trying to blow out candles. Aside from taste, the most profound characteristic is its overall smoothness. Unlike most liquors, this does not burn all the way down and linger in the pit of your stomach for what feels like eternity.

Pinnacle:

The scent of alcohol is so vibrant that it penetrates the hint of vanilla and pierces you, almost providing a contact buzz (if that is possible). This scent is not inviting in the least, but I guess you can't formulate an opinion of an overall product off of one characteristic, can you? After a bit of convincing to proceed, I take my first taste. Apparently the nose does not lie. This vodka instantly provides a punch that sends a shock wave throughout the entire body. After a lingering moment, the subtle hint of vanilla finally makes its way to the forefront. Unfortunately, this brand did not instantly send me on a trip down memory lane involving cake induced comas. It sent me spiraling into my long purged memory of trying my first shot, double might I add, of Bacardi 151. Cue dry heaving.

 

And the Winner is....

Unless you are immune to sarcasm, then it is easy to tell that I felt the UV is better than the Pinnacle. Not only did I feel that it was better. I also felt that it was something I would, and probably will, drink again outside of this taste-test. The only thing that could make this cake flavor better, is if it were Funfetti. Let's get going on this UV...

 

Drunken-Strawberry Shortcake Mis-Adventure

The classic summer dessert is strawberry shortcake, well, right after s'mores, but work with me.  Everyone that knows me, understands that I go to the store listless and inevitably leave forgetting something important.  This trips forgotten item was the sugar for the strawberries that were to bless the fluffy angel food cake.  Awesome...my only options were to either drive back to the store or attempt to locate someone who made a shopping list, bought sugar and is dying to share. Well, unlike the movies where the neighbor is home and eager to share, I unsuccessfully knocked on four doors. While I was standing in front of the fourth door and heard a silent "Shhh" from within, I remembered that cake vodka chilling in my fridge. Surely that would be a good substitute for the sugar to mix with the strawberries, right?

The vodka certainly made a delectable syrup at the bottom of the bowl, however, the second it mixed with the cake all pleasantness disappeared. What you are left with is a mouthful of sweet strawberries (that at least worked well), a fluffy substance that started off sweet (formally known as the angel food cake) and a taste of pure alcohol so strong that you almost don't care to swallow. It's as if the Angel Food cake and the cake vodka flavors packed up, left town and forget the alcohol in the attic like Kevin McCallister.

Assuming it clearly had to be the Pinnacle's fault, I was shocked to find that the UV also provided the same result. I also wondered if I had been drinking so much that I finally hit that "everything tastes like shit" phase. Alas, the two vodkas by themselves brought on the same results as before, which proved that some classics, such as strawberry shortcake, should not be toyed with.